Thursday, 28 January 2010

Weekly Writing 2--Ian

Nurture strongly influences early human development

In this essay,I will talk about the nurture influence early human development.I think the nurture would influences early human development more than nature. Nature can decide what area you may succeed,but the nurture can decide if you could be successful.First,good environment is good for children's growth.Second,good guidance of parents is very important.last,health is the base of human development.And then,I will show you my opinion.

Firstly,satisfactory variety and advance facilities can help the children study better,like the computer and the electronic tools.Then,a good environment as a tidy and clean room can make the children more happy,it may improve their interesting in their study.

And then,the most important is the good guidance of the parents.As we all know,the parents are the first teacher of their children.They play a important persona in the education of their children's education.There are two parts of guidance,one is the knowledge education,we must make sure the children can receive a good knowledge education.And the other is the psychology education.It is also very important in one's life.Moral character decide the direction of one's growth.

At last,I think the base of life,it is the health.A good health is the base of human to do every thing they want,if you don't have a good health,you may not achieve any aim.The parents must to make sure their children are healthy.So they may study well.If the children always been ill or in poor health,they cannot do every thing.

Above all,the nurture would decide the success or failure of the people.The nurture for the early human development is more important than nature.The other way to say is nurture strongly influences early human development.We must pay more attention to the nurture for the children to make sure they would have a good life.

3 comments:

  1. susan said : This essay focuses on the key point ,the argument is well organised and linking is well managed throughout . However, some ideas are not clearly linked.The range of sentence forms is not wide,with few examples of complex structure.

    Overall ,i think that this essay are accurate and easily undersood.

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  2. Ian,

    I agree with Susan- the essay is fairly clearly organized and focused.

    Your introduction is good but the thesis statement needs to be condensed into one (complex) sentence rather than 4 short sentences. Use transitions to help you do this. There are some problems with awkward word choice (ex: satisfactory variety and advance facilities). Avoid starting sentences with And. Good use of transitions. Be careful with word class errors.

    Good job,

    Jennifer

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  3. PS- where is your revised draft? Is this it?

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